


Crawling In My Skin

by SonataNocturne



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dubious Consent, Feels, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad, Slash, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 20:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14340393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonataNocturne/pseuds/SonataNocturne
Summary: Pain comes in waves. Tackle it, or it swallows you.





	Crawling In My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings are there for a reason. The characters could be anyone.

 

_\--------_

_He doesn't see it himself. Not like he once would have. But only a look on the mirror would reveal it. So he smashed them all._  
  
  
  
Lips on his neck trailing down and then stopping. Bite on the collarbone hurts but not enough. He flinches, annoyed. But he doesn't turn, doesn't care enough. Rough hand on his chest traveling across it. Squeeze and twist on the nipple, burning. A grunt below his ear and wet tongue against his sweaty skin, licking. The hand continues, now back down. Feeling out, massaging. Chest pressed to his back. A grunt again and something poking the back of his thigh.  
  
  
  
_Emotions. The fucking emotions. He had tried to shut them down._  
  
  
  
Another hand, pushing to the tight spot between mattress and his waist. He can feel it, but not really feel it. Tongue tracing his jawline, back to the ear. Kiss, lick, nibble and words. That don't mean a thing. Fingers digging to his ribs, clawing. Another hand on his abdomen. His barely there.  
  
  
  
_Emotions are inside your head. But yet they still hurt. He doesn't need them, not anymore._  
  
  
  
Hand reaches his cock. Stroking, hard. Making it hard. Breath in, breath out. Relax. He can't relax. More, _now._ A moan makes his senses tingle. Digging fingers, more pain. Delicious numbing pain. Another word, he doesn't answer. Doesn't know how to, doesn't want to.  
  
  
  
_Only way to escape the emotions is sleeping. Unless you have nightmares._  
  
  
  
The hand disappears from his side. The other doesn't. Still stroking, faster now. It's making him high. Shivering and gasping. That's not what he needs, not really. Then a finger, penetrating. Another one. He is searing and shivers again. A cluster of words tickling on his skin. A lump on his throat, choking. Clenching his eyes shut he doesn't want to see anymore.  
  
  
  
_Physical pain isn't same as emotional pain. It doesn't leave you, it's a cacophony. Only aching and destroying._  
  
  
  
Memories are burning his nerves. Fingers disappear leaving him empty. Another feeling he knows too well. More words. He bites his lip hard, _don't answer._ Pressure and an agonizing push, finally. Inhale and exhale, _don't look._ Scream, suffocating him. The hand still stroking. Another hand on his hair, pulling hard. Hot panting on his neck. Piercing pain washes over him, over the other pain.  
  
  
  
_They told it would pass. But they couldn't answer when. He needed to know when._  
  
  
  
He is inflamed. Heart thudding, louder. Sweaty skin against other, more words, more screaming. Pounding and thrusting. Ferocious and it's excruciating, he needs more. He is now there. Fingers grip to the sheet clenching down. Again a scream.  
  
  
  
_How do you escape something that's inside your head. It fills your very existence, burying everything else under._    
  
  
  
The hand releases his hair and grabs his throat. Thumbnail scraping, digging under the jaw. Lips on his ear again, again cluster of words. _Shut up._ He is desperate. More pain, more misery. Teeth on the neck, nipping and biting. Moan, that could have been him.  
  
  
  
_He is fine. He is more than just fine._  
  
  
  
It's burning, he is burning. Something wet on his face, he doesn't care. The reaming continues. Rougher hands, more sweat, another moan. That was him. He is trembling and choking. He can't breath. _More, please._ Now. Harder, faster. _Just do it. Take the pain away._  
  
  
  
_Breaking the mirrors, closing your eyes, sleeping... It doesn't help. But he is still fine. Perfectly fine. Always fine._  
  
  
  
Deeper and harder. _Yes, please._ Salt on his lips, that's not tears. No more words, only groaning. Moaning and crying out, that was him again. Frantic pounding and teeth on his shoulder. No emotions left, only pain cutting through him. He is floating, still craving for more. It's gone soon, he knows it but doesn't care. He wants to be torn apart until there's nothing left. And now he is falling, crumbling down. Suffocating and wailing. One thrust more, a scream too. Burning changes to stinging. Hand on his throat tightens bruising. A smile on his face, swollen lips quivering. He is pulsating, falling faster. And done. Finally.  
  
  
  
The silence is a bliss. Only ragged breathing making his ears ring. Blood buzzing, tickling in his veins. He is shaking and everything is fuzzy. Limbs are tingling and feeling weird. He is wretched, destroyed. Heaving, that's him. Sobs, that's him too.  
  
  
  
Empty void that's soon filled with the memories again. And then he has to start over. Ripping himself apart piece by piece.  
  
  
  
Pull away. Wipe the tears from the cheeks and the blood from the lips. Crawl back into your skin, disappear.   
  
  
  
He isn't there anymore.  
  
  
  
More words echoing in the thin air. _Don't. Just don't._  
  
  
  
"I love you."  
  
  


 

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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
